Running Heads

From the editors of Cascade Books and Pickwick Publications at Wipf and Stock Publishers

Category: Humor (page 1 of 3)

Mashing it up: A List

Merriam-Webster defines “mash-up” as “something created by combining elements from two or more sources.” They give further definition to three kinds of mash-ups, for which the Internet can provide countless examples: music mash-ups, movie mash-ups, and web mash-ups.

Lately it’s been a distraction of mine to read Twitter mash-ups. My favorites are the Twitter accounts that mash together philosophers/theologians/etc. with some current cultural persona or theme. On Facebook today I came across a link to St. AugOsteen (a mash-up of St. Augustine and Joel Osteen). I’m going to use this blog post to start a list of these Twitter mash-ups. I could use your help. I only know of a handful. There are bound to be more out there. If you know of any that I’m missing, please leave a comment and I’ll update the post by adding them to the list.

Bumperstickers

Bumperstickers are an interesting medium of communication. They range from the utterly stupid to the banal to the pithy and insightful. Some of the best ones I have seen lately include the following:

End Corporate Personhood
(picturing an American flag with corporate logos instead of stars)

There Is No Way to Peace—Peace Is the Way

God Recycles—God Made You From Dust

We are not only defined by what we build
but by what we refuse to destroy.

Spam a lot, a whole lot!

In recognition of having surpassed 2 million spam comments caught by our blog’s spam filter, I highlight some of the more recent ones below. I’ve extracted the good bits, removing links and gibberish. You can see earlier responses to spam comments here and here and here.

Spamalot_press_photo_2_(Photo_Scott_Suchman_2011)

From True Religion Jeans Sale Online:

These crops (ingrown toenail, tomatoes, grains, and other veggies) are no area for honey bees.

Is the jeans brand called “True Religion” or are they jeans somehow associated with a true religion? And why shouldn’t honey bees be around ingrown toenail crops?

From tree stump removal:

Hey! Someone in my Myspace group shared this website with us so I came to look it over. I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers! Fantastic blog and wonderful style and design.

First off, thanks! Secondly, seriously “tree stump removal” is on Myspace? Is anybody on Myspace these days? Thirdly, I can‘t help but tell you bookmarking is not supposed to be hyphenated. Finally, you actually have followers on Twitter? Who follows “tree stump removal” on Twitter?

From tree removal service:

Hi, I log on to your new stuff on a regular basis. Your story-telling style is awesome, keep up the good work!

Come on tree stump removal, I know this is you! Did you expand your business to removing the whole tree and not just the stump? Good for you! Thanks for another nice comment, but once again you’ve hyphenated something unnecessarily. It’s storytelling, one word, no hyphen.

From best skis 2015:

Do you have a spam problem on this site; I also am a blogger, and I was curious about
your situation; we have developed some nice procedures and we are looking to trade techniques with other folks, why not shoot me an e-mail if interested.

YES! Yes, we do have a spam problem. How did you know? By “blogger” do you actually mean “spammer”? I’m not sure how trading techniques is going to help with our spam problem. Although, I am curious about your nice procedures. By the way, your punctuation is atrocious!

From Doudoune Moncler Authentique Pas Cher:

Whether we know it or not each decision we make is based off of intelligence support that we gather. When choosing what to wear we will likely check the weather. You wouldn’t wear a sweater and jeans on a hot, humid afternoon.

True dat!

From true religions jeans hot sale:

(We tend to) just (need) steadiness in a lot of areas. Girls were dressed up, in a major way. Their dresses ended up being fly

This is almost as confusing as your ingrown toenail crop comment earlier. By the way, dropping the caps and making it a “hot” sale fools no one. We still know its you!

From junk removal business:

May I just say what a comfort to discover a person that truly knows what they’re talking about online. You certainly understand how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people have to look at this and understand this side of your story. I was surprised that you’re not more popular since you most certainly possess the gift.

Tree stump removal? Is that you again? Your business seems to keep growing. You’re into junk now? Thanks again for your kind words and for avoiding poorly placed hyphens. I’m not sure why you are so surprised that I’m not more popular. I blog about the spam our blog has received! I appreciate you calling that a gift, but it is not going to drive much blog traffic.

The Difference between a Verb and an Adjective

One of my favorite cartoonists is Wiley Miller. This one from 1/13/2015 captures his humor perfectly.

Curmudgeon List, endnote edition

Here in Eugene, OR we’ve entered the wet and gray season. I shouldn’t complain because the sunny and dry season was exceptionally brilliant this year. But I’m a curmudgeon. Complaining is what I do. As I biked into work this morning wrapped from head to toe in rain gear that is starting to lose its water-repellant properties, my disposition took on the doldrums the weather brought in, and so I decided it was a good day to add a third part to my curmudgeon list. See parts one and two for the first fourteen things on the list.curmudgeon mug

15. A couple of nights ago I finally finished the novel I was reading and needed some reading material for my bedtime routine. I thought I would revisit The Moral Vision of the New Testament by Richard Hays. I picked this book primarily because it happened to be near my bedside, having been referenced recently for some reason or the other. I have no major complaints about the content of the book. It does, however, remind me how much I despise endnotes, especially when the notes are often substantive as are Hays’s. And to add to the frustration the endnotes in this very important book are placed at the end of each chapter. It is a little easier to tolerate endnotes when they are placed at the end of the book. With that I can at least put a marker at the appropriate spot and turn there rather easily when I want to check a note. But when the endnotes are at the end of chapters, whenever I begin a new chapter I have to find the end of it and place a marker there for reference to notes while reading the chapter. There are a lot of chapters in Hays’s book. I will have to go through this hunt for endnotes more times than I would like.

That’s it. That’s all I’ve got for today. I loathe endnotes at the end of chapters so much they deserve a curmudgeon post all their own. If someone can tell me what purpose there is in arranging notes this way, I would much appreciate it. Until then, UGH!

Click the Cancel button if you ever see this dialogue box.

Click the Cancel button if you ever see this dialogue box.

The Oatmeal and Grammar

The Oatmeal creates some of the funniest comics, quizzes, and other things on the interwebs. Their stuff on grammar is perfect for editors, English teachers, and other grammar snobs. Here’s one of my favorites:
Spelling

A Lame Joke

A skeleton walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, “Give me a pint of your best brown ale . . . and a mop.”

Verily, verily, I say unto thee, “Avoid ‘very’!”

Came across this very good superb graphic the other day. I was very eager keen to share it with the many very capable accomplished authors with whom I work. I especially thought the Dead Poets Society image and quote was very clever brilliant. I hesitated to post it because I was very worried anxious that some might think the last bit of the quote was very rude vulgar. So I may not be very wise sagacious in posting it now. I trust my readers have very large colossal capacities to forgive me for the very small tiny bit about the invention of language. It is rather sexist, I admit. We all know language has many very serious solemn uses.

very

The 9 Circles of Cable Hell

One of the perks to working in downtown Eugene is the proximity of our offices to the Downtown Athletic Club. Three to five times per week during the lunch hour I walk over to the club, where I have a locker, and work out and/or run (mostly run outside since it’s not far from Eugene’s wonderful river path). My locker happens to be placed very close to the large flat-panel television mounted on the locker room wall. More often than not the TV is on CNBC, the financial news network. The club also happens to be close to courthouses and banks. When no one else is around I try to flip it over to something slightly less annoying like ESPN, but it is interesting to see how many people actually want it on CNBC. Hell for me would be forced viewing of this channel. Not only is it incredibly irritating and boring, I find the whole premise to be evil in a systemic sort of way. I wonder how Dante might characterize the nine circles of hell if limited to cable television networks as props.

  1. Limbo – A&E, AMC, FX, and other networks that, like a deficient form of heaven, have their moments but on the whole are filled with drivel.
  2. Lust – late night Cinemax, or most HBO dramas
  3. Gluttony – The Food Network
  4. Greed – CNBC
  5. Wrath – Fox News
  6. Heresy – TBN
  7. Violence – pay-per-view boxing and MMA
  8. Fraud – pay-per-view wrestling
  9. Treachery – MTV

Dude!

My three boys (6, 6, & 3) informed me this morning while I was getting ready for work that a “dude” is a man who wears a watch, a necklace, and sunglasses, but no shirt. He also has hair right here [pointing to chest], a mohawk, and tattoos. They made no mention of what sort of pants a dude wears, but presumably he has something covering his lower half.

I asked them where they’ve ever seen someone like that. They hadn’t. When I got to work I typed the list of criteria into a Google Image search, and while I saw several interesting things, there was no dude to be found. Thank goodness!

When they are older I will introduce them to the real dude. At least they got the sunglasses right.

the-dude

 

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